So Dennis Hastert says no way, I'm not gonna quit! We gotta ethics investigation now and that will clear the air. See his buddy Dubya cooing with delight in support of Dennis' moxie?
Well I say step, Fat Man! I have another candidate for Speaker who'll bring order, decorum to the House. Stop this partisan gridlock. Omar Little. Stick up man. Stone Killa. Nemesis of every drug dealer in B'mo'City. And he's black (meaning the GOP won't to bribe Uncle Tom black college presidents or greedy faith-based cash-grubbing mega-preachers any more to curry favor). He's also gay, but the GOP must be the inclusive, compassionate, tolerant party now that Mark Foley has come out. Bonus: Omar only likes men, not youngsters. Muscular Latino men with neat cornrows, to be exact. Maybe one of those Cuban Diaz-Balart fellas will catch his fancy?
Yo Omar, put the twelve-gauge dukey stick on my boy Dennis' head and say, "Git the f**k out, sorry m-f! The Party don't need no more October Surprises, son! An' when I'm finished with yo' ass--literally and figuratively, m-f--I'm gonna smoke that dude Bob Woodward ."
Omar comin'! Omar comin'! Run!