Four more days to Apocalypto!

Crazy Mel's opuus about the Maya, Apocalypto, arrives on Friday. And you all know (or you should know) how much I love the Maya. The folks at Amazon where good enough to expose so much of Sympathy for the Devil for your free review (without my permission), so by all means refresh your memory. Of course, true to Braveheart and The Passion of the Christ, Mel dispenses with any historical (or Biblical, as the case may be) accuracy. The implosion of the Lowland kingdoms of Tikal, Palenque and the like took place 200 years before the rise of the Highland cities like Chichen Itza (home of the Temple of Kulkulcan, the Feathered Serpent...not far from Cancun for you Spring Break mavens), and 500 years before the arrival of the Spanish, who hosed everyone. Mel condenses this into a long weekend. He does at least remain true to their very alien-sounding names. Yes, the Maya indeed had names, translated to English, like "Seven Jaguar Moon" and "Rabbit Twelve Rain." I smell a new celebrity baby-naming trend!!!

Now, I used to think Gibson was just a Right wing tool and Jesus freak. However when asked about the themes of the film he likened the human sacrifices the Mayan priest performed (blood blood and more blood; only the Aztecs were more prolific and horrific in that regard) to the Bush Administration feeding our young people to Iraq. He also bemoaned the destruction of the rainforests and the utter impoverishment of the modern Maya and other native Americans. The Maya's math, astronomy and agricultural techniques surpassed anything the Greeks and Romans had in their heyday, not to mention what was going on in funky medieval Europe as it emerged from the Dark Ages following Rome's own disintegration. Yes they even invented zero, and for you racists or morons who are still in line for Playstation 3, that means a lot. It means they calculated all kinds of things to accuracies that rival what we're doing now--from the dimensions and construction of their homes and canals, to how far the center of the Milky Way is from earth. Without zero, this computer and the Internet would not have been possible, or rather, would still be the size of a diesel locomotive if run on Roman numeral code! Yep, half naked brown folks did that at a time when white folks were dumping feces in the street, burning women as witches for a having an orgasm, and blaming headaches on demons living inside your skull. Of course, Mel's a radical Catholic and it is historical fact what the Catholic Church unleashed on native peoples as the Spanish, Portuguese and French conquered the Americas. I don't know how he squares that, but hey, he's Mel!

Therefore, I guess I should just drop the "right wing" and "Jesus" part and keep the "tool" and "freak." Note, he is making a statement in this film about the Maya calendar, which is not only the most accurate until the space age, it interlocks with two more calendars that track the phases of Venus as the morning star, and the rest of the galaxy. Under the chief creation text, the Popul Vuh, the earth as we know it is supposed to come to end on July 23, 2012. That's when the Feathered Serpent returns. They came up with date about 800 years ago. Also Mel says it's no accident that the Yucatan is also the site of the Chixilub (see previous posts) crater, also a Mayan word, the site where a 2 mile wide meteor crashed to earth and began the jacking up of the dinosaurs. Oh well, if Jesus comes back as a big ass snake with wings, you've been warned...