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Flower is dead. Forget the thousands of children...human children, not meerkat pups...who die each day of bullets, bacteria or beatings. No, you are not a real American unless you shed a tear for this tiny dynamo. What about Burma? What the heck's a Burma? Flower is dead and that's all we can handle. Oh and Notre Dame is 0-4.

Flower is the matriach of a gang of meerkats that is the focus of Animal Planet's "documentary cum soap opera" Meerkat Manor. Filmed in t he Kalahari Desert (most viewers have no clue where that is), the show's narrated by Sean Astin for the okey-dokey middle American audience and Bill Nighy (Squid-faced "Davey Jones" in Pirates of the Caribbean) for the Canucks and Brits used to less boring or hyped fare. See my next post on the sad difference between chef Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares-BBC and Kitchen Nightmares-ABC, by the way.

Was Flower murdered by a dark-skinned hip hop addled vervet monkey? Did she die of breast cancer? No. A cobra bit Flower. I don't think the cobra was al Qaeda, but I'm sure it was at least a Muslim. ;-) Seriously, this shit happens in the wild. No politics. No personality. No bullshit. You stomp a bug. You kill a few million microbes. See, even you can be God. Now, do the bugs hire pr flacks and engage network hypemasters? I guess they would if they are--what's the new nomenclature?--a "brand" or "franchise" in the eyes of the suits in charge.

The producers endeavored to cover up Flower's death, as well as her son Shakespeare's (bitten up by a rival clan) to keep the cutesy nature of this show and string naive viewers along and keep ratings (and sponsor money) high. But check this crap out: "Flower's courage and strength in life was mirrored in her passing," said senior executive producer Mick Kaczorowski. "Viewer and fans have become attached to Flower because she exemplified the qualities of a true hero and a veritable leader."

WTF? This animal didn't exemply anything. The film editors and our own stupidity did that. Is it any wonder that George Bush is President, Fred Thompson might BE President and Bill Clinton might BE back in the White House when we have a population obsessed with horseshit like this? There are counter-examples of real news stories, from the environment to crime, and true human heroism and tragedy. These stories are legion. There is no liberal bias in the media or Hollywood. Wake the hell up, assclowns. The the wingnuts and Jesus Freaks have the right fight, but the wrong enemy. There is a least common denominator-ignorance bias. This nonsense is a wonderful example.

Aren't finished vomiting? " 'Flower was larger than life,' said Marjorie Kaplan, general manager of Animal Planet and Discovery Kids Media. "'She stood tall against her foes, readily and regularly faced conflict and was a pillar of strength for her family.
'The circle of life is very much a reality in the animal kingdom. We at Animal Planet are devastated by the loss of Flower and recognize that her death will have a deep impact on our viewers. Life in the Kalahari will never be the same.'"

There's even a movie in the works. No lie. Hate on me if you wish. Call me crass or obsessive about nothing. But think folks--I suppose we'd even make a hero or reality show star out of a hemorrhoid if someone smells a buck. When will we wake up from this manipulation. Jesus Lord in Heaven. Read a book or something, and please teach your kids not to get sucked in by this. Do it before we are drowned in a sea of stupid people. I hear the President of that wacky Islamic Republic of Iran and The View's Liz Hasselback both love Meerkat Manor. Nuff said.