Friday Not-so-Funnies: Sudan, again

A day late, a dollar and thousands of bodies short. The International Criminal Court will seek to charge President Omar Hassan al-Bashir of Sudan with genocide and crimes against humanity. It's the first time the court's gone after a sitting head of state. Check out the story here. Karl Rove, supposedly in retirement yet somehow still covered by executive privilege, is ringing Dubya now saying "Ya know, this might not be such a great precedent for you..."

No need to rehash what this guy did in Darfur, or the regime's rapine war in southern Sudan. It is yet another item Islam refuses to discuss. The key here is that I have no doubt our pals the Chinese will somehow rescue him or indirectly pressure the ICC. No doubt.

Thoughts?

The Mummy & China: Two Great Pieces of Bad Taste that go great together

Rachel Weisz quit The Mummy 3: Return of the Dragon Emperor not just to have her kid. Star of the first two dreadful Mummy flicks, she was pissed off at words like "franchise," "tie-in to Beijing Olympics," "vast Chinese market," and "Rob Cohen." Okay the last one's a doozy. Cohen has directed such hi art as Vin Diesel's XXX and The Fast and the Furious. He is on record as believing that films should be as loud and explosive as possible to appeal to the greater mass of dumbasses. And they should have commercial tie ins and franchise appeal. He's publicly excoriated Weisz and got Universal to seduce talented actress Maria Bello. Maria's got that indie cred but come on, having her play Weisz's character is like having Hill Harper and Ray Allen switch characters in He's Got Game. But Maria's gotta pay her rent, too, I guess. The Chinese government, film board and what they call private industry is actually helping promote this flick rather than banning it outright; it opens in Beijing first. Kinda smacks of the Berlin 36 Olympics pr job? The weirder part is that the film Hollywoodizes (sodomizes, whores?) themes, people and events in their history, from the Qin king's founding of the first dynasty and unification of China as an empire, to the construction of the first Great Wall, to the "terracotta army" every fool's seen in Discovery Channel and National Geographic specials, to...yeah...the Abominable Snowman. Lots of Snowmen. Of course, the latter, the yeti, is a Tibetan legend, but hey, as our President tells us, let's not allow stuff like Tibet, or the re-colonization of Africa and Darfur and gluttonous oil consumption and pollution and a continued Stalinist view of civil and political rights ruin the party. After all, without China's cheap goods and cheap borrowed money, our government and our economy would collapse. Then who'd uselessly patrol streets in Ramallah then and spend billions on contractors instead of fixing housing, health care and our own infrastructure?

The film sucks. Nuff said. I've seen press trailers. As an Xbox game or a theme park ride (hey, that's what this "product" is for) is okay. But ya know, sometimes what Kurt Russell (who was better in Big Trouble in Little China than a dozen Brendan Frasers) said about CGI in Death Proof (Grindhouse) is right. Too damn much of it. And the approach? Imagine if Tyler Perry had written the teleplay to Roots, or Jerry Bruckheimer decided to direct John Adams. Get the idea? Good, now mix in a lot of Indiana Jones rip-off and multiply the schlock and explosions by 100. Too often we allow ourselves to say things like "Hey don;t be a snob. These are summer fun movie romps. Fine--except there's the counterpoint of Spider Man I, or 2008's Iron Man, even The Hulk...and of course, The Dark Knight. Accordingly, exciting summer flicks don't have to be least common denominator floating turds enticing rednecks, suburban tools and bammas to the Multiplex. On top of that, China shows it's true colors to the world by promoting this fantasy (imagine if the UK & Ireland decided to adopt The Lord of the Rings as official history...then again the Scots did it with Braveheart and looked stupid doing it).

I won't bore you with a gloss of Jet Li's performance. If you want to see him in something awesome and historical about China, rent Hero. Brendan Fraser's been on my shit list since Dudley Doo Right.

But hey, Rob Cohen will be heralded in China the way the French still love Jerry Lewis and the Brits rightly lionize The Ramones. And isn't keeping those commie sons of bitches happy what's important? After all, we've mortgaged this country to them. What happens when they foreclose? EEEEEEW. Too much for many little brains to take. Like global warming. Easier to shut it down a la the way black folks consume street fiction, plunk down that $9.50. Moi, I'll be seeing Batman for the 7th time, and boycotting NBC's Olympics coverage (okay, I'll watch the boxing). Me, and Rachel Weisz. Alone in our good taste...

Ungawa, Bwana Shung Shi Wang! Bad Ju-Ju there!

Not that our hands are clean (and when I mean "our" I also include with U.S. government and corporate interests we African Amerians, our "revolutionary" intellectuals and artists...and that ol' Congressional Black Caucus...which will hopefully see some replacements like Kevin Powell soon), but hey, look't the Chinese backing up Robert Mugabe! I'm sure they're paying for his inuagural shin-dig where he turns all of Zimbabwe into a parade float. Let's see the scoreboard on the Chinese, shall we? Destroying the ecology of their own nation and polluting the world, floating Bush's phoney-baloney economic "policy" with cheap money, Darfur, human rights, Darfur, human rights, Wal Mart, happy plosts with greedy pseudo-patriotic outsourcing American CEOs, Darfur, buying off NBC and just about everyone else for the Olympics, draining natural resources There Will Be Blood style, and well...did I say human rights, Darfur yet? Now this. Magazines from Foreign Policy to The Economist have been chronicling this neo-colonial push in Africa, and if you think U.S. bankers, CEOs, hedge fund scumbags are willing puppets, imagine the garden variety African president-for-life or newly inaugurated guerilla movement leader now head of state? It's time we stop giving China a free ride. While we degrade ourselves in Iraq and in bellicose nonsense with mullahs eslewhere, they take over the world. You think the Mugabes out there don't see that?

Miley Cyrus is a "whore..."

...and yet aren't we all these days? Disney is full of it. Miley is full of it. Vanity Fair is cagey...but Annie Lebovitz, one of the last few photographic artists in America, is full of it for "apologizing." Look at these photos--not the VF shoot, but the ones below: Her supposedly going all Lolita (could it be Miley's decided to toss the pretense and say hey world, this is the real me. Emotionally and intellectually immature yet fecund and almost sweet-16?). Then the Kid's Choice Awards outfit. Now look to the left at Annie's rendition and be honest. Which is "worse?" Nuff said.
Nevertheless, allow me to elaborate for you "shocked" parents of 10 year old girls (and my nieces are rabid fans, best believe!) and middle America morons. Miley is not a person. Miley is "product." That is not my cynical term--it is the term that media companies and producers use. Yes, product. Like black folks were no more than five or six generations ago. Product to sell. Product to deliver demos to advertisers. In turn, this silly story becomes product that pundits and morning show tweety birds tweet upon to certain other demos (target audiences) so they can sell more ads.
Miley herself? Well, if her daddy's mullet and tight jeans from the late 80s-early 90s weren't whoreish enough, she has taken the genetic cue and ran with it. Role model? She's the star of a kiddie show for godssakes! Are you all retarded? If she were some random little white girl who raised money to go to Darfur and feed/clothe/protect other 15 year old girls from rape and murder... would you care? If she started a movement to get other girls to put down the mobile phones which you morons (yes, you parents who are whining about this stupid photo based on the soap opera-wired media's bombardment) purchased for them and stop texting and said time to increase literacy and writing skills and cyber-bullying...would you care?
Likely not. Look, Brooke Shields was doing stuff that makes this photo shoot look tame and there wasn't this outcry, but the media and stars/handlers weren't as whorish back then. The 70s--NOT whorish? You gotta get with the new-school definition of "whore," pal. It encompasses the pervasiveness of technology. The triumph of, as the Washington Post expounded upon, "belief over truth."
So yeah, Miley's a whore. And so am I for planting this post. We are all on the stroll together. Not you whining parents, though...or even your kids. You are the tricks. The pimps? They don't have names like Bishop Magic Don Juan or feature $500 rims. They have names like Google, VIACOM, Time-Warner, Fox/News Corp, etc. This battle between Disney and VF, blah blah is just another game of dozens at the Player's Ball...