Maundy Thursday

Jesus wants you to claim the wealth you deserve. Jesus wants you to quit smoking.

Jesus wants you condemn queers. Jesus wants to bomb Iran. Jesus wants you to tithe often and in great amounts. Jesus wants you to support the expansion of the church to include a jacuzzi, media center and 12,000 seat auditorium. Jesus wants you to dance. Jesus wants you to stop dancing. Jesus wants you to tune into "Fox & Friends" every morning. Jesus wants you to only listen to my podcast. Jesus wants you to check the $100 box to defeat liberal candidates. Jesus wants you to stop snitching. Jesus wants you to loose 30 pounds. Jesus wants you to have that extra helping of potato salad. Jesus wants you to watch "Caddyshack" for the 75th time on HBO. Jesus wants you to obtain a concealed weapon permit. Jesus wants you to submit to your husband. Jesus wants you to forgive Rush Limbaugh for his drug addiction. Jesus wants you to have more children to offset the number of Hispanic and black babies being born. Jesus wants you to buy a stolen social security number and slip into the USA from Mexico so you can have more children. Jesus wants you to see Islam for the specious and barbarous "religion" it is. Jesus wants you to convert from Judiasm or else! Jesus wants you to stop bitchin' about gas prices and pay up and mock Al Gore. Jesus wants you to donate to Greenpeace. Jesus wants you to aim a shotgun at the Greenpeace boat. Jesus wants you to liberate animals. Jesus wants you to be buried with your jewelry in a $6000 casket as the choir sings His Eye is on the Sparrow with Cece Winans as guest soloist. Jesus wants you to marry a 17 year old girl as a new sister wife to the rest of your wives. Jesus wants you to disown your daughter for loving another woman. Jesus wants you to do what the Pope tells you. Jesus wants you to leave rehab. Jesus wants you to not to pay for those workers' health insurance, close that other plant so you can keep the stock prices high and improve those Third Quarter numbers so can get your bonus. Jesus wants you to forget your son's tuition and just g'head and buy that Hummer. Jesus wants you to kill in his name...

Interestingly, when I read about the agony, anguish and fear he suffered knowing he'd be nailed to a piece of wood and asphixiated, I recall him really only wanting is two things: Love your fellow man. Love God. Did he whisper any of this other bullcrap and I somehow didn't catch it?