Monday, April 02, 2007
Oh and can I get a big butt and a 'tude with that shade?
Can you believe this silly ass movie (made in 03) but not released till now, is causing such a stir?
Slow Burn, stars a sad and paunchy Ray Liotta, plus LL Cool J, Mekhi Phifer and Taye Diggs (all of them likely grumbling how this is but one step above those made-for-BET or TVOne or Starz cheapies). Well uber-hottie Jolene Blalock, who makes you really really wanne be a trekkie as the first Vulcan to ever join Star Fleet, "T'Pol," on Star Trek: Enterprise, plays guess what--a sista. Her makeup was done by the same lady who turned Angelina Jolie into a Marianne Pearl in the film about the murder of Daniel Pearl, upon which I blogged this December. Jolene plays a white DA who's climbing to the top of the political ladder by pretending to be...Jeez...a light skinned black woman. I guess she's a "clean" role model in Joe Biden's lexicon. In the flick she's supposedly a darling with the media and the Sharpton and Michael Dyson types and the pastors and even the gang leaders (played by a middle aged LL Cool J...WTF?!). Everyone wants to bone her but only Ray, who's running for mayor, has that privilege. In any event, the movie's coming out, finally, and looks utterly bad (then again so was Showgirls and Basic Instinct and I know you dogs watched the hell out of them!!!).
A lot of black actresses have apparently voiced their dismay over this casting choice (n.b.--where were they back in 2003?); in Newsday Jesse Jackson, Sr. called this film "vulgar." Ha! And recall the TV furor in the last few seasons of NYPD Blue when Elizabeth Berkeley (yes she of Showgirls and old pervert's wet dreams in Saved by the Bell) played a light-skinned black woman. Even the LA branch of the NAACP, apparently taking a time out from choosing Image Award nominees, got into the act on that one. And yet of course no one but Zoe Saldana has had the balls to call out Angelina on the Marianne Pearl thing. Before you go reissuing Zoe's sistagurl card, she is the same dumb bitch who promotes her blackness to get some roles while punting it and proclaiming her His-panic-ness to get others. (I'm a 100% Latina, she says. Zoe, you're black. Just because you can salsa, you were still licking Nick Cannon's cashew nut head in Drumline.)
Here's the punchline. Ready?
... Jolene Blalock IS a sista. For real, her daddy's a light-skinned black man, ex-navy dude from San Diego. Her mamma's white. She pointed this out on E! recently and joked how silly people are for insinuating that she'd been "passing." I don't think you need to lie about your race to get into Maxim and FHM, true. For a bikini model she's actually quite smart and a little raunchy. She said she knew older trekkies who fantasized about Nichelle Nichols as "Lt. Uhura" (me being one). Now the younger fanboys and booger-eaters have another black woman to fantasize about in Star Fleet.
G'won Jo-lene! Live long and prosper, gurl. Now if Mo'nique finally admits she has a Klingon mamma blood, or Tyler Perry reveals he is actually new model of Borg withthe mission to assimilate us all, I'll die happy...