Thursday, April 17, 2008

Ocho Cinco as a not so distant mirror

My profound apologies to irreplaceable historian Barbara Tuchman for this title. Those of you who are NOT sports/American football fans, by all means do the Google or Wiki thing on my boy Chad Johnson then come back and comment. I love Chad. He is a Swiss Army Knife of metaphor (how's that for stacking?)...okay...full blown allegory, for everything that is wrong with (take your pick): professional sports, sports journalism and coverage, journalism in general, punditry, television, black folks, black males, literature, black literature, white people, Ohio, Cincinnati Ohio, our expectations of role models, our expectations-period, marketing, our kids, our kids in school, schools, life... even ABC's Democratic Candidate "debate" the other night. The Onion laid the satirical smackdown on that carnival...and The Situation Room, and any show on Fox News, by re-posting a photo of Hillary Clinton giving the thumbs up, and the caption: new Poll: Americans list "Bullshit"as the Number One issue most important to them. And doesn't Chad just encapsulate our love affair with spurious, specious bullshit and not reality? He's made it his medium. Chad, as the mirror. Ain't he pretty?
(n.b. for you non-sports folk, Chad minted the moniker "Ocho Cinco" as well, that's the number on his jersey, and of course the silly-ass "sports press corps" from talk radio to ESPN has perpetuated because it sounds so cool to the average moronic fan! Lovely!)
Before you declare me a lunatic, be sure you understand what metaphor and allegory truly mean. Nothing remotely literal. In the saga of the Ocho Cinco, one can find connections and flavors (or foul tastes) of just about every ailment in our current culture. Back down to the concrete and literal, Chad now he wishes to leave Cincinnati. I'm scared, you see, because there is a rumor around the Nation's Capital that he may end up here, with the Redskins. And the metaphors just'll keep on comin'. Happy Halloween...(cryptic and allegorical conclusion)

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's true, and of it begs the question--does it matter? Chad Johnson is a head case and head cases sell tickets and get airtime. He is a trained circus animal and seems to be really into it. He's almost like Rodman, Paris Hilton! He knows it's a show and he performs and gets paid.

It's a bad statement on America but the average American seems to be too stupid or enthralled, to tune people like him out.

66MustangWrangler said...

I was pondering that debate as well. I guess the spirit of Ocho Cinco explains it about as well as anything.

Lisa said...

I am just going to take it to the "literal" tip because you went too deep for me however I do see where you are coming from. Here is the literal thing: my boyfriend and his boys LOVE "Ocho Cinco." I could care less. My game his hoops. NFL is too manufactured and commercial and they say that's why Johnson is so important and he's one of the most "explosive" receivers in the game. I say if Johnson wasn't around the NFL would have invented him to create controversy. The brother is crazy. When will "our" people understand that "getting paid" for acting a fool is not being right?

Anonymous said...

Is he saying that he is an "85"? Which in NOI terms stands for dumb, deaf and blind negro. Please tell me I am wrong.

Exquisitely Black said...

First, I feel for you if he winds up with the Redskins. For the life of me, I can't understand Chad - does he even have any idea why he's unhappy? Is he upset that Houshmanzadeh (sp?)got more TD's last year?

Like too many (no, not all) professional athletes, the money has corrupted any sense of understanding of the team sport that he plays. It's all about him and unfortunately will be no matter where he goes.

bluehenjarhead said...

It's not so much him that is the metaphor (allegory?) but our tolerance of Ocho Cinco that connects to what you are saying about a lot of issues. I am likely voting for John McCain and yet I think I know what you were explaining in connecting Ocho Cinco to the Presidential Debate in Pa. This is not about nuts and bolts anymore, but rather it is bullshit. However I think you do Cinncinatians an injustice because on the strict issue of Chad in and of himself they indeed want him gone.

Snowman said...

The Ocho Psycho!

tchaka owen said...

Chad Johnson's crazy celebrations and antics are fun and are a good part of football. For every person who bitches or whines about him, there are 5 others who like that side of him (including me). The guy can play so we look for his performance on the field and on the sidelines.

What he's doing now is detrimental to his team. Cincinnati has a team that can potentially go places (if they stop getting in trouble with the law). It's a blessing that TJ Houshmaniloubaloubazinadeh played so well last year because it should free up Chad. If Chris Henry wasn't an idiot, he'd be in perfect position because he'd have two Pro -Bowl guys getting the attention instead of him.

Back to Ocho Cinco....this greed move not only hurts the Bungles but himself as well. Many teams don't want him on board because they fear disruption. It's a shame too because he stays on the right side of the law.

Redskins-wise, toss the rumor out. He won't make it in Washington.

Knute Rife said...

Jeez, Chris, you went to law school(s), and you're just now concluding that the US worships at the great, bovine behind?