Monday, July 14, 2008

Rednecks everywhere are cutting their mullets, slitting their wrists...


Oh the foul stench of betrayal. Worse than Obama as honored guest of NASCAR. Worse than realizing that yes, maybe the GOP is full of rich hypocritical bastards who use the flag and the cross to dupe us. Worse than trying having to get a license for your kid's assault rifles away. Or paying too much for that saggy ass tattoo. Or keeping Brett Favre out of a Packer uniform!
Bud...bought by the Belgians?! Zounds! What's next--they buy up IHOP and Dennys to serve Belgian Waffles? The Waffle House itself--there off the interstate...off the frontage road...'round the corner from my doublewide... offering "smothered Brussels sprouts?"
Just kidding, white people. But my question is--will this turn Bud drinkers into connisseurs of my favorite beers, which happen to be Becks and Stella? "Hard working Americans" (in Hillary-Rove-speak) becoming metro, urbane? First they're selling off their Ford F-10s for effecient cars...now this? Maybe Obama has a chance. Or, sadly, will Becks and Stella Artois degenerate to the level of Bud swill? I'm sure Europeans don't want that. But hey, sign of the times. Sell off America, Americana. The St. Louis Cardinals will be called the Canals, and they'll play in
King Leopold Field (they'll be sure to flash photos of the rape of the Congo to make the black fans feel at home). We do it to ourselves and don't hold the same hotshots who tell us to be patroits accountable as they float off on their gilded parachutes.
What to do about the Clydesdales, however? The Chinese are buying them. Yummy with scallions and plum sauce...washed down by an "Antwerp Lite."

10 comments:

tchaka owen said...

As long as Delirium isn't affected, I couldn't care less.

But I am eager to know when all the "uber-patriots" will wake up and see that we are in a global world after all. And many non-Americans own our companies.

Anonymous said...

OK I usually just read and disagree with everything you say, but the Clydesdales ending up on a Chinese menu thing had me convulsing in laughter. You know, I could see that. I really could.

The DC Feed Editor said...

Great post! I have linked to this at The DC Feed.

Lisa said...

Funny!

(but I don't think any beer drinkers will notice unless they start charging Belgian prices)

Knute Rife said...

No, no, no, Mr. C. The true redneck brews (and you know I know these things) were Schlitz and PBR, and they've been gone in their true forms for years.

Bygbaby said...

they can get pissed off all they want the beer will be the same & they will still be beer addicted idiots with mullets.

"...they buy up IHOP and Dennys to serve Belgian Waffles?..." Ooooo, that sounds like a good ideal. Maybe we can get better omlettes out of the deal as well. LOL

Bygbaby

Christine said...

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This site posts dozens of stories regarding Barack Obama daily, from all different news organizations. We currently have over 3,000 stories, and we're only adding more as they come! It's a great resource for finding out anything about Obama.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

so rednecks are becoming obamfied lol

MacDaddy said...

Funny post. Love it, but you know: There's a part of me that feels bad about this...It's like everything, including horses, are for sale in America.

AgentX said...

They can have the watered down Bud brand.
I wish they bought coors as well- racist beer brand should change hands.

Well, we still have Miller, right?