Recall my Feb. 21
post regarding
The National Review's (along with toolish Jonah Goldberg & crew) "25 Movies for Conservatives?" I emptied a hot ammonia-scented torrent of pee on that list, and pretty much refuted any claim of these films by wingnuts.
Well, to provoke and prod, here's
my list of supposedly conservative movies which I love. Some are classic motion pictures, some are guilty pleasures. Note there aren't brothas or women or Asians or any of the usual suspect downtrodden folk in the lead roles. These are the usual whiteboy fare come Memorial Day, or when
"Sex & the City" or
Michael Moore's films are off rotation. Sometimes I have to wait till no one's around to watch/rent this stuff, as if I'm squirrelling away a private porn collection. I'm playing a game on you all here, for many of these flicks are sheep in wolves' clothing: either presenting notably non-wingnut anti-war, anti-corporate, anti-dogma or mob rule themes, or otherwise showing allegories for man vs man or man vs nature etc conflicts. I would point out to my friends that some flicks which liberals might wave in conservative faces, like
"Taps," (starring Tim Hutton, Sean Penn, Tom Cruise and Evan Handler with hair, and Giancarlo Esposito with very smooth skin) actually are about sacrifice, honor, innocence, maturity after naïveté. Likewise, I often see lingering nihilism or the seedlings of more of the same when it comes to black folks movies like
"Boyz in the Hood." I have caught hell from folk for that. Nor do I have no problem rebuking progressive cohorts for their lauding of movies which I feel are too much PC/oversimplified "revisionism." For example, 1992's
"1492" where Columbus goes from age-old schoolbook demigod to advance man of Hell for all native peoples and the environment of the Americas in one take.
That said, here's my top 10 list, with commentary. Most pop up around Memorial Day:
1.
Predator. (1987) Never mind Jesse "The Body" Ventura's progressive ephiphany as "The Mind," or his recent video screed against Dick Cheney; this film spawned three anti-intellectual, anti-liberal toons running for governor. Two won. Sonny Landham--"Billy" (and "Billy Bear" in
"48 Hours"), ran for GOP guv of Kentucky, promising to exault the Second Amendment uber alles. He dropped out of the race. (in Kentucky? day-um!) Despite the muscles, the guns, the macho commando stuff, the "I ain't got time to bleed," etc. this is still a sci fi/horror flick made entertaining and iconic only by the missives and idiosyncratic performances of the stars--from Carl Weather's strange eye-liner, to Arnold's troublesome accent, to Bill Duke's uncanny ability to chew scenery though remain very quiet. Arnold doesn't "win" until he punts the trappings of high tech Reagan era warfare and touches his inner caveman. Strangely, some gun nuts still don't seem to put the allegory & irony in perspective: that this crableg-dredlocked mofo is killing for
sport because he can, not because he must. John McTiernan directed the flick. Guess what--he's a closet liberal, a Juilliard man. Yet he's directed rightie stuff that didn't make my list (but should have):
"Die Hard," "The Hunt for Red October," "The 13th Warrior," etc. The muscles, bloodshed and rah-rah are vehicles, not the ends themselves. It's about inner strength, sloughing shackles of conventions, time-honored traditions, old hates, corporate-ness, political necessity...and establishing one's own code to (1) survive, (2) serve a greater good. Check out
"Medicine Man," one of McTiernan's other films, and listen to Sean Connery's lines to get the gist of what I'm saying. Close second: Arnold in
"Commando."(evil tip: Watch his chemistry with Alyssa Milano, who plays his daughter; when she matures, other stuff supposedly happened...) McTiernan might be going to jail soon, but that's another story...
2.
The Alamo (1962). No, not the silly made for TV low budget crap version with Alec Baldwin as William Barrett Travis, nor
John Lee Hancock's excellent, true-to history, true to character 2004 verison starring Partick Wilson, Dennis Quaid and Billy Bob Thornton nailing David...not Davey...Crockett. I mean the bubble gum history great white man, rah-rah version directed by John Wayne, starring the Duke as Crockett, with coons and coonskin hats, with evil
"We don' need no steenk-keeg badges" wet-back/Frito Bandito-looking folk (and no mention that Texas was part of their country) and the usual cast of characters in Duke flicks, like his son Patrick, fat gruff Chill Wills. Pock-marked ugly ass Richard Boone as Sam Houston. Look for Frankie Avalon as well (cast for the girlies). Silly as hell, utterly false in so many ways, but a rousing damn movie!!! Indeed, only in America, like regular black folks ceding culture to bammas, can wingnuts turn myth into fact. The film
itself became history; a depiction of the battle based on the film used to be presented as fact on old Alamo tours!!! That was until heroic journalists in Texas and Mexico, military and social historians, forensics experts--along with a very vocal (and admittedly
too strident Hispanic community)--challenged the sacred redneck creed and nearly caused another culture war. Much like the truth, not "revisionist" (which is a wingnut weasel word, like "judical activist"), of so-called Custer's Last Stand. So? I still love this movie.
3.
The Green Berets. (1968) See #2 above.
The Alamo with cammies and M-16s. I love the flying mini-gun platform "Puff the Magic Dragon." Yes, utter silly bullshit and wingnut melodrama, but even the most touchy feely Whole Foods shopping -PC Blue State- close Gitmo- moonbat sheds a tear when the child Ham-chuk's dog dies, or he cries out for his fallen "Peter-san"... and the film closes with
Staff Sgt. Barry Sadler's heart-tugging "The Ballad of the Green Berets."
Put silver wings on my son's chest...4.
Red Dawn. (1984) This is the Reagan Era at its best...or worst? Ha! John Milius is McTiernan without McTiernan's Juilliard-inspired want of non-wingnut allegory and metaphor. But peep this: Milius also directed
"Conan the Barbarian"...and co wrote it with...ready?
Oliver Stone. Hmmm. So even with Milius, there's more to these films than is apparent to the average neo-con pansy or Bud-swilling Ted Nugent fan. Not convinced? Rent his
"The Wind and The Lion" and tell me there's
not a subtext of which conservatives might take issue. LOL The switcheroo in
Red Dawn prompts comparisons to
Predator; the Commies are the occupiers, not the insurgent/guerillas. Good Christian whitefolk are the people who refuse to give up "hearts and minds," and MTV teens are "Wolverines:" guerilla heroes. Very cool. And an insidiously liberal twist when the average conservative suburbanite starts whining about why certain neighborhoods/nations/peoples can't "fix" themselves. Can't they see the cops/Marines et al. are there to "liberate" them? Well now they saw it's not so simple. Moreover, at the time this film was made, the Russkies were rampant and supposedly ready to turn all of Central America into a new Cuba. Good thing we had the drug lords on our side! But then they started getting ploughed under in Afghanistan and Milius found himself with a more timely hook than the WWII partisan/resistance angle. Bad news eventually: it was these very folk who were chapping Soviet asses in the Middle East who'd later help run planes in the World Trade Center and Pentagon. Weird politics aside, I love the performances in this film, and it's not toonishly shot. Milius has an almost gay artistic eye for composition. LOL. Irony: most of these actors who played the stalwart young Godfearing freedom fighters weren't youthful Reaganites in real life. Even for Patrick Swayze, it was sex, drugs and rock and roll. Hey, you had Charlie Sheen, too. Nuff said. Then Leah Thompson, Jennifer Gray (who sat on a grenade before practicing dirty dance steps with Patrick, I guess), C. Thomas Howell, Brad Savage. All Hollywood young partiers.
Cool to see Superfly's "Priest", the late Ron O'Neal, as the Cuban colonel. Great action, great soundtrack.
5.
The Longest Day. (1961) Should have been "The Longest Movie." This is Daryl Zanuck's almost 4 hour send up of D-Day. For something showcasing John Wayne, it's pretty damn historically accurate, and of course presents, objectively, the German POV through both generals and ordinary Kraut footsoldiers. This thing is shot and scripted like a narrative/literary nonfiction book; there's a distinct documentary style which pretty much cuts against the wingnut rah-rah crap. It's also a perfect counterpoint to the dreamy, silly style of
"A Bridge Too Far." The battle scenes look
real; the most exciting for me isn't the 82nd Airborne's paratrooper getting shot up as sitting ducks over St-Mere-Eglise, or the British commando attack on the Orne River Bridge. Nope, it's the sequence where French (yeah--it was them invading their own country) troops swarm ashore and attack a town called
Ouisterham. Now, the most harrowing scenes are of the carnage at "Omaha" Beach. It's fitting the film ends with General Norman Cota's fighting 29th.
These are the men from Maryland, DC, Va. and parts of NC: old men I still see on Memorial Day, and I remember when I drive up and down US 29.6.
Heartbreak Ridge. (1986). This is Clint at his third best, with
"Unforgiven" (which single-handedly destroyed the John Wayne notion of the West and a western the way Kurt Cobain destoryed hair bands) and
"Gran Torino" being one and two, respectively and respectfully. And forgetting the nonsense with Spike Lee, let's think of
"Flags of Our Fathers"/" Letters from Iwo Jima," too. Think of
"Bird" (by which he made Forrest Whittaker a star) and yes, the ultimate chick flick,
"The Bridges of Madison County." Put them in a food processor and mix, then distill the essence. Taste it. Think of the dialogue, the themes, the shots, even the music, the look of the characters. Heartbreak Ridge fits this serum perfectly, seemlessly. Not some ode to US Marines, or to manly men, or winning a war rather not "losing" or a "tie" as if an NFL schedule. Clint is the king of the bait and switch. I'm not gonna say he's a closet liberal, oh hell no. But he, unlike Spike, gives us ALL something on which to feast: the superficial crap for the wingnuts, the deeper stuff for regular folk. And everyone's happy. I'd say Gunney Highway was indeed the antithesis to R. Lee Ermey's insidiously entertaining Gunney Hartman of
"Full Metal Jacket." Hartman--who's fragged by a fat and insane Vincent D'onfrio (presaging dude on "Law & Order" to some degree hahaha)-- was closer to the liberal stereotype of the redneck military scumbag. Love the playa, hate the game...
7.
The Sand Pebbles. (1966) One of my favorite films, period, and my favorite "war" movie about a war which wasn't. China 1927. US Navy gunboats patrol major rivers and lakes while warlords, Communists and Chiang Kai shek's Nationalists fight a three way conflict. Most Americans know nothing about this era, or the lasting affect on China's psyche.
Richard McKenna, who wrote the novel, was there for real, and was a simple swabby. This is a classic sheep in a wolf's fur. An
epic story with war as but the backdrop.
And it made me LOVE Steve McQueen as Jake Holman. Steve was probably the most right-wing dude to ever play in anti-establishment flicks. Of course toward the end of his life, he grew a beard and produces Ibsen plays, so who knows? Rent this movie. It deserves a redux by a thoughtful director (though how do you beat
Robert Wise?). The battle scene at the junk boom, with the Stars and Stripes flying, gives me goosebumps. But there's scene after scene having nothing to do with war that prompt the same response. Note: I fast forward through the entire
"Great Escape" to watch Steve jumping his motorcycle past pursuing Germans!
8.
300. (2007) Forget the planned, almost diabolical sacrifice of overwhelming cultural and historical fact for style. About the only thing accurate was the Spartan fighting method. Lord you could do a treatise on the levels and layers here. One thing remains, as does with Wayne's
Alamo, or even the Custer whitewash,
"They Died with Their Boots On:" a few brave souls stood against many. There is something visceral, compelling about that, and hell if it doesn't demands empathy even if you hate the m-fs so enshrined for their deaths. Test it out. I've even seen unrepentant rednecks cheer Denzel in
"Glory," and folks who hadn't a clue about 1846's Mexican War's significance side with the Irish immigrant deserters who formed the Catholic "San Patricio" Brigade fighting the US in
"One Man's Hero." Or GOP-lovin' WWII Vets pulling for Jude Law in
"Enemy at The Gates" (Soviets battle Nazis for control of Stalingrad). When I think of the
real Leonidas, of the brave Athenian fleet at Salamis, then watching 300's oiled up male models, Gerard Butler's giant mouth, and comic book zombies portraying what was a marvel of a Persian Empire ain't so bad to take...
9.
The Ten Commandments. (1956) Cecil B. Demille apparently despised Jews more than he did black folks and Commies, so of course they are called "Hebrews" in this epic. Or "Danites" in
"Samson & Delilah." The word "Jew" is used only four times in 3 hours of
"Ben Hur." Hmmm. Where to start? OK, with DeMille himself. Nuff said. Next, the historical, archeological, anthropological and even theological bases for this movie as written and shot (not the story of Moses or Yaweh--just the actual movie) is beyond suspect. The evidence is now that the Jews weren't even slaves for that period of time (the slavery being almost allegorical), time, or may have offered themselves as indentured servants or laborers for pay; Goshen was pretty much an autonomous province of Egypt. The Egyptians themselves built their monuments with
paid labor (who had health and dental, unions, their own slogans, logos and theme songs!) and not dudes being whipped. Ramses The Great (who basically was Yul Brenner) wasn't an egomanical creep but one of antiquity's greatest leaders. You can see the mofo on display. Moses himself may not have been just a deliverer, but also a military genius;
the exodus appears to have been more a mass migration (and conquest-ethnic cleansing once the Tribe got to Canaan) rather than a true escape. My favorite take: the wind and tide (whether it's the weather or God's breath) blew down and helped dry the muddy "Reed" Sea, which was only about a couple of inches deep to begin with. The tide and wind changed after a day or so, pharoah's chariots and footsoldiers got stuck and the crews were picked off by Moses' men.
But who do audiences care if anything's "accurate" archeologically, historically or even Biblically? Not really. Seeing Anne Baxter basically begging for Chuck Heston's wang for two hours is priceless, as is Yul's
"So let it be written, so let it be done." The Red Sea scene...and swallowing the chariots...remains awesome even in this age of mindless CGI. God talking to Moses as a pillar of fire, burning out the Ten Commandments--I love that stuff!!! Edward G. Robinson as Dathan?
He echoes Tavis Smiley nowadays when Tavis pricks Obama ("What do think of your deliverer now?"). This is Cinemascope spectacle at its pinnacle. Easter always brings two things for me: spiritual & physical nourishment...and Chuck Heston!
10.
Exodus. (1960) OK I know some of you were trying to smell around for some anti-semitism from me after #9. It is historical fact that when Joshua led the Israelites back to Canaan, he was all about conquering and murdering every man, woman and child there. So much for the ancient moral authority to toss out Arabs and Palestinians (who are all children of Abraham as well, according to the Good Book). But what happened in Europe from about 1100 a.d. to 1945 might have mitigated that stuff, I'd say.
Otto Preminger (who was Jewish-Austrian himself, though maintained this Germanic mystique, ironically) doesn't get mawkish in this story measuring one slice in the fight for, and founding of, Israel. It's almost
Sand Pebbles-like in epic sweep, emotion, characters, cinematography, etc. (
not such a stretch as he and Robert Wise were the best directors of the 60s, before the grit of The Exorcist, The French Connection, The Godfather etc took over). How many Jews were among the stars in the cast?
Paul Newman. Yep. And
Lee J. Cobb ( born Leon Jacob). Most people don't name name them first. The theme song/soundtrack's as timeless and powerful as
Dr. Zhivago's, though now its seems confined to elevator muzak. I'm partial to
"Cast A Giant Shadow" for battle scenes of Israeli teens in khaki shorts and sandals fighting Muslim tanks & planes, but
"Exodus" is more meaty in the story department. It even touches on the touchy subject of Jewish terrorism against the Brits and Palestinians. But somehow, you understand though do not accept these acts, as you become Ari Ben Canaan (Newman). Amazing film. Watch it before you rent "Schindler's List." Seriously.
So, if you're a wingnut, disciple of all things Cheney-esque, feel free to write down your consternation. If you aren't, tell me if your tastes comport with mine, or if you have additions, subtractions.
BTW remember the fallen on Memorial Day. Even the Confederate-redneck fallen. The key word here is
fallen...
