My profound apologies to irreplaceable historian Barbara Tuchman for this title. Those of you who are NOT sports/American football fans, by all means do the Google or Wiki thing on my boy Chad Johnson then come back and comment. I love Chad. He is a Swiss Army Knife of metaphor (how's that for stacking?)...okay...full blown allegory, for everything that is wrong with (take your pick): professional sports, sports journalism and coverage, journalism in general, punditry, television, black folks, black males, literature, black literature, white people, Ohio, Cincinnati Ohio, our expectations of role models, our expectations-period, marketing, our kids, our kids in school, schools, life... even ABC's Democratic Candidate "debate" the other night. The Onion laid the satirical smackdown on that carnival...and The Situation Room, and any show on Fox News, by re-posting a photo of Hillary Clinton giving the thumbs up, and the caption: new Poll: Americans list "Bullshit"as the Number One issue most important to them. And doesn't Chad just encapsulate our love affair with spurious, specious bullshit and not reality? He's made it his medium. Chad, as the mirror. Ain't he pretty? (n.b. for you non-sports folk, Chad minted the moniker "Ocho Cinco" as well, that's the number on his jersey, and of course the silly-ass "sports press corps" from talk radio to ESPN has perpetuated because it sounds so cool to the average moronic fan! Lovely!)
Before you declare me a lunatic, be sure you understand what metaphor and allegory truly mean. Nothing remotely literal. In the saga of the Ocho Cinco, one can find connections and flavors (or foul tastes) of just about every ailment in our current culture. Back down to the concrete and literal, Chad now he wishes to leave Cincinnati. I'm scared, you see, because there is a rumor around the Nation's Capital that he may end up here, with the Redskins. And the metaphors just'll keep on comin'. Happy Halloween...(cryptic and allegorical conclusion)
