Monday, April 02, 2007
Oh and can I get a big butt and a 'tude with that shade?
Can you believe this silly ass movie (made in 03) but not released till now, is causing such a stir?
Slow Burn, stars a sad and paunchy Ray Liotta, plus LL Cool J, Mekhi Phifer and Taye Diggs (all of them likely grumbling how this is but one step above those made-for-BET or TVOne or Starz cheapies). Well uber-hottie Jolene Blalock, who makes you really really wanne be a trekkie as the first Vulcan to ever join Star Fleet, "T'Pol," on Star Trek: Enterprise, plays guess what--a sista. Her makeup was done by the same lady who turned Angelina Jolie into a Marianne Pearl in the film about the murder of Daniel Pearl, upon which I blogged this December. Jolene plays a white DA who's climbing to the top of the political ladder by pretending to be...Jeez...a light skinned black woman. I guess she's a "clean" role model in Joe Biden's lexicon. In the flick she's supposedly a darling with the media and the Sharpton and Michael Dyson types and the pastors and even the gang leaders (played by a middle aged LL Cool J...WTF?!). Everyone wants to bone her but only Ray, who's running for mayor, has that privilege. In any event, the movie's coming out, finally, and looks utterly bad (then again so was Showgirls and Basic Instinct and I know you dogs watched the hell out of them!!!).
A lot of black actresses have apparently voiced their dismay over this casting choice (n.b.--where were they back in 2003?); in Newsday Jesse Jackson, Sr. called this film "vulgar." Ha! And recall the TV furor in the last few seasons of NYPD Blue when Elizabeth Berkeley (yes she of Showgirls and old pervert's wet dreams in Saved by the Bell) played a light-skinned black woman. Even the LA branch of the NAACP, apparently taking a time out from choosing Image Award nominees, got into the act on that one. And yet of course no one but Zoe Saldana has had the balls to call out Angelina on the Marianne Pearl thing. Before you go reissuing Zoe's sistagurl card, she is the same dumb bitch who promotes her blackness to get some roles while punting it and proclaiming her His-panic-ness to get others. (I'm a 100% Latina, she says. Zoe, you're black. Just because you can salsa, you were still licking Nick Cannon's cashew nut head in Drumline.)
Here's the punchline. Ready?
... Jolene Blalock IS a sista. For real, her daddy's a light-skinned black man, ex-navy dude from San Diego. Her mamma's white. She pointed this out on E! recently and joked how silly people are for insinuating that she'd been "passing." I don't think you need to lie about your race to get into Maxim and FHM, true. For a bikini model she's actually quite smart and a little raunchy. She said she knew older trekkies who fantasized about Nichelle Nichols as "Lt. Uhura" (me being one). Now the younger fanboys and booger-eaters have another black woman to fantasize about in Star Fleet.
G'won Jo-lene! Live long and prosper, gurl. Now if Mo'nique finally admits she has a Klingon mamma blood, or Tyler Perry reveals he is actually new model of Borg withthe mission to assimilate us all, I'll die happy...
Posted by Christopher Chambers at 8:48 PM
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T'Pol is pullin' the "Isa negra! Isa negra!" card? Where is my paper bag? Lonette McKee...turn in your pass badge...we gots a new sheriff here in Rock Ridge!
So I guess this means she's joining the "Clap On, Clap Off Negro/Minority Club" along with Zoe Saldana, Roseana Dawson, Raquel Welch, Lynda Carter and Joanna Kerns...just to name a few.
I would have picked a better time than some crap flick like SLOW BURN to come over to the Dark Side but what's nearly sista to do?
I want Jesse Jackal to shut it down, though, for reals. Didn't we learn nothing from Tipper Gore vs. The 2 Live Crew? If it wasn't for her big mouth, Luke Campbell would be managing a Mickey Dee's or something the way the Good Lord intended his sorry ass to.
This whole New Millenium Blackface Movement is tres' tickling to me...I putting five on either Hilary Duff or Katie Couric to OD' on some Fashion Fair makeup and go Deep Cover as a mulatto any day now...
and for the sistas in Hollywood who are pissed about these roles being giving to white women? If yall asses weren't applying for FLAVA OF LOVE, MO'NIQUE'S CHARM SCHOOL or the latest Ying Yang Twins video, then you probably could have gotten one of these wack assed gigs...
oh well, there's always a chance that Tyler Perry will rent a copy of JEFFERSON IN PARIS and come up with MADEA DOES MONTECELLO and hook a few of y'all up for the big SHORT'NIN BREAD SLAVE QUARTERS HOEDOWN dance number that closes out the movie...
This is crazy. When I was home a couple of weeks ago my mother told me something on E! about some swimsuit model who admitted to being mixed and playing a black woman in a movie. Jolene Blalock? I usually leave E! to my mother and grandmother, quite frankly, along with Wheel of Fortune.
I guess it's fashionable to be biracial now.
I am also not a trekkie so you lost me there.
I'd like to see what bag she using to gage her blackness...paper or plastic? Because if she using the latter, then I guess Casper The Friendly Ghost can now start haunting crack houses in Detroit without fear of being jumped.
Portia wrote, "I guess it's fashionable to be biracial now."
Ha! It's fashionable to be anything but black. I even catch myself digging deep into my lineage to find some sort of mix - a quarter of this, a tenth of that, a fifth of something. I would do anything to separate myself from the likes of 50 Cent. LOL.
BTW, Tyroc, you forgot a few - Soledad O'Brien, Jessica Biel who only now seems to have come to terms with her, uh, blackness, etc.
Was Soledad ever in the Minority Closet? If she was, she blew that all to hell Katrina Week when she got Gangsta all over Horse Whisperer Brownie From FEMA and the rest of his crew...
but Jessica Biel? Not a Camden! *clutch the pearls*
I wouldn't be surprised if that Closet all of these surprise sistas are popping out of is really a TARDIS and there's more to come...I can't keep up LOL.
Wow, that post threw me for a loop! It's just goes to show you sometimes you can't judge a book by its cover.
Huh...I always wondered about her when Enterprise first aired...I have nothing to say about "passing" or whatnot...it's all about personal choices, and it isn't as though the actors in that "clap on/clap off" club are seriously "exploiting" their fluid ethnicity--black people are exploiting each other already(CRAPPY straight to video movies, rap videos, etc) and don't seem to care until something like this happens--and then they get their knickers in a twist, feeling as though "real" black people are shut out in Hollywood.
What a clever and hilarious post!
Were none of you paying attention to the movie or actually watch it!...First of all she's an ACTRESS DUH...second of all one of the major plot lines was THAT SHE WAS A PHYSCOPATH AND WAS JUST PRETENDING SHE WAS BLACK TO MOVE UP THE LADDER...or that she had possibly convinced herself she was black...so ya see a sista couldn't play the role of a white woman passing for black...so get over all indignant rage...geeze.
I am late, late, late! with this post but I just wanted to point out that calling Zoe fake for saying she's Black and Latina makes about as much sense as calling you and yours out for claiming Black and American.
Latina ain't a race. It's a cultural ID. and that's real. Tatiana Ali, Alfonso Riberio, Sammy Sosa, Gina Torres, all proud Black people of Hispanic heritage.
Yes, *you* can be both.
Y'all sum ignorant MF's. Just cuz she light skinned mixed, u silly MF's just be hatin...it's fashionable to be biracial?...I didn't know people had a choice of how to be born. And Zoe S. is dominicana...and guess what; they along with PR, Cuba, and most of south America have the same blackground as us here in the USA...only diff is English enslaved us; and Spaniards enslaved the others(all savage europeans imo)...however bout all u racist fucks know what ur actually talkin bout before u start running ur mouths.
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