Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Another Warm, Wet New Years

Pardon my biting on the title of my 12/23/06 Post ("Another Warm, Wet Christmas"). It seemed appropos--crazy weather in the Rockies, the Plains, all over the world, trees blooming in our own backyard. Again, tool-of-tools Al Gore is re-born. Lovely about that humongous ice sheet breaking off in the Artic, right? When the frozen methane trapped in the seabed starts bubbling up, then the ice caps will really start to liquefy. Looked kind of warm on New Years Eve in Times Square, didn't it? Remember when the folks were drunk/high AND frostbitten? Yeah, yeah, we're in an El Nino flow. Query whether El Nino and La Nina themselves are altogether "natural" occurences. Perhaps they're just magnified by what humans have been doing re: air/water pollution, greenhouse gases? Again, I'm no tree-hugger but day-um! As I stated in a comment to a commenter in my last post of 06--the Chinese, our great political and economic allies ;-) and ironically the last best hope of cut-throat robber baron capitalism--are bringing a new coal-fired plant online each month. India, another source for the semi-skilled jobs poorer Americans used to have as a means of social mobility and home ownership, is doing the same. Hey, you know the end of the world is coming when Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daley ring in the New Year, whilst Dick Clark adjusts his catheter...

Another indication of Armeggedon is this lovely photo. That's Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams, unwinding in Mexico after Brokeback Mountain. Don't celebrities look beautiful when they're on vacation? Check out her bathing suit, his gut, his beard, her scrawny legs. No wonder Heath boned Jake Guyenhall in the movie! This type of stuff is what the least common denominator of our society deem newsworthy. Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton spur our devotion, yet only about 10% of the US adult population can tell you where Darfur is, or what just happened in Somalia. Diddy and Jay-Z are proclaimed geniuses for copying old music and mashing it together with a beat and psycho flourish. (Hell, compared to the hip hop lyrics of today, Kool Moe Dee and LL Kool J were Carl Sandburg and Robert Frost!) When knowledge is razor thin and not terribly broad, when critical thinking skills are non existent, when communication and public speaking skills are reduced to obscenities, mumbling and text messaging, etc etc--is it any wonder that discussion of political, historical and social issues are reduced to pop culture myth exhanges, idiotic ramblings...or just plain bullshit? It would explain the rise of Dancing with The Stars, The Flavor of Love, American Idol, E! and Fox News. Or, for that matter, Essence magazine's transformation into pages of ads for white-owned womens products, and C-Murder's book deal. I'm sure he'll be the new F. Scott Fitzgerald. Thanks, Vibe Magazine, for that cultural heroin...

Speaking of cultural nonsense, do you think Brittany Spears and Beyonce know who Gerald Ford is? Why should they, would be the reply. Why should anyone? Nevertheless, his funeral procession is clogging the streets of my town and tourists here for holiday vacations got the added treat of lining up to see his coffin. "Bread and circus," the Romans called it. Keep the mob entertained and stupid. Sound familiar? See previous paragraph. I paid the man the reverence due him as our former Commander-in-Chief, and as a throwback to a more human and humane Republican Party. But I had to laugh my pecker off at the Gen X and redneck parents in these lines trying to explain who this m-f was to their mucous-stuffed crumbsnatchers when they plainly had not a clue!!!

Anyhow, here's Nat Turner's Ford Top Four: (1) falling down a lot and thus propelling Chevy Chase (and Saturday Night Live) into the limelight, (2) being shot at by former Manson hoes, (3) giving douchebags Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney their first big jobs, and keeping Douchebag #1 Henry Kissinger onboard, thus handing us more bullcrap with the Russians and in the Middle East, not to mention that ridiculous "Mayaguez" incident (check out my take on that in A Prayer for Deliverance), (4) being so lame that he actually looked bad in debates with Jimmy Carter. Yes, Jimmy Carter. Jimmy's no Barak Obama or Daniel Webster. As deep as he is, often he comes off closer to our current dangerous retard of a president. Thus you youngsters can now imagine how bad Ford actually was in comparsion. Then again, you youngsters have no imaginations outside of what the PS 3 tells you and no concept of what good oratory might be, so just take my word on it as if I'm folks y'all trust: Tom Bergeron, Simon Cowell or Tyra Banks! Gerry Ford was a "good guy," which was precisely why he was handpicked by Nixon and his handlers as VP. Articles of Impeachment were on their way to the Senate and Ford got the word that he had to defuse any civil and constitutional strife that would occur if Nixon were to be indicted and put on trial regardless of his offer to resign. Them be da facts, son. That be da shit, son. (I'm writing in Gen Z/myspace-speak so's you youngsters can understand).

OK, enough New Year curmudgeonliness for now. Next post will be more positive, I promise. I'll showcase Eisa Ulen, Jonathan Luckett and Martha Southgate as authors we NEED to see more. I'll give you an update on The Darker Mask, Yella Patsy, and maybe my thoughts on why white evangelical Christians (or pinheaded black churchfolk, for that matter) didn't clog the aisles for The Nativity Story as they did for Crazy Mel's Jesus flick.

Welcome to 2007 bee-ches!!! This is my year. Gird yourselves...


Anonymous said...

Bruh, glad to see you are starting the year off with a bang. Do not disappoint your Bay Area Fan Club. Kool Moe Dee? You ARE old, man! As good as the vibes were back in the day, you forget we also had folk like Vanilla Ice and our own Oak-town clown, MC Hammer.

PS the photo of Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams was cra-zee. Where did you get that?

Snowman said...

You appear too young to be a curmudgeon. However I know you lived in Baltimore so you have some large shoes to fill in the persona of H.L. Mencken.

Nevertheless, I appreciated this statement about President Ford:

"I paid the man the reverence due him as our former Commander-in-Chief, and as a throwback to a more human and humane Republican Party."

I do not mind not having my mail delivered today, based soley on that. He at least tried to be a statesman.

Will you have reviews of these authors works or will you just highlight them?


A genuine curmudgeon in Annapolis!

Anonymous said...

Happy 007!

I can attest to the fact that CAC is indeed a young curmudgeon -- I know him very well. Nonetheless he is good guy.

That picture of Heath and Michelle is truly sad. A golden couple who has been exposed as nothing more than what they truly are -- irritated and sour just like most of us. Celebrity is so distasteful!

I was too young to really remember Ford as president, but from what I have seen and read, he was a gentleman. That is rare these days in politicians.

Chris, you really were on a rant this time! I am looking forward to more of what is on your mind.

Mieke said...

Ok. Let's stop for a moment. Where on earth did Michelle get that bathing suit? WHERE? She looks like she's from IOWA.

I love Al Gore. He has has a perfect dry sense of humor. I love that.

field negro said...

You are one crazy dude!

But I loved the post :)

meera bowman-johnson said...

LMAO, Chris – what a great post! I know your wife's so happy you have this blog... :)

I look forward to hearing what you have to say in da '07 (that's myspace speak).

Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

Last time I tried this didn't post. Those celeb pics suggest they have some great personal trainers or there's some drugs and binging going on between gigs. From what someone told me today, the papparazzi have even zeroed in on Obama -- do you have the pics to post? I guess he surprised some dumbasses that, in his perfectness, he didn't have the perfect body to go with his intellectual attributes. Guaranteed his handlers will have him on the treamdill on the morrow.