As we look to a more enlightened, more progressive 2009 and a return to rationalism (though we'll all be poorer), I feel a sense of loss...even,okay--wistfulness. What will we lose if bumpkinism, superstition, Confederate-envy, ghettofabulosity, nihilsim, mindlessness, petty parochialism, ignorance, irrationality were to disappear entirely?
I've prepared a list of people, places, conditions I would miss terribly. Yes. Miss them. The flava. The Flow. This country is more interesting with them in it (smile):

Any of these idiots performing on, or fans of, the Blue Collar Comedy Tour (yes, Foxworthy, too...though Larry the Cable is fairly harmless)
Wal Mart
Anyone who thinks they sell USA-made goods at Wal Mart
T.D. Jakes
Tyler Perry
Anyone who thinks a stripper pole is essential furniture
T Pain...Lil'Wayne...Flo Rida...every rapper in the Dirty South
Michael Eric Dyson's supporters in the Hood and on those silly hip hop panels
R Kelly's supporters
Joel Osteen
Chance and his family...Tiffany (New York)...and any of those other clowns and hoes on VH1 "reality" shows
All the of Real Housewives of Atlanta
The City of Atlanta, period (and its perpetrating McMansion environs from Duluth to Stone Mountain)
Scary crackers at Palin rallies this fall
Hillbillies who murder doctors who perform abortions (and Idaho Nazis who plant pipe bombs in front of gay bars
Hillibillies who hide or aide hillbilly killers (see above)
Diebolt voting machines
The NRA
Sean Hannity
Mike Huckabee (sadly...he's not a bad dude, really)
Preachers who take Faith Based cash and buy big Pontiacs with it
Preachers who tell their congregation to pray for big Pontiacs
Preachers who tell their congregation to deny gays/lesbos equal protection of the law
Preachers who don't seem to understand that AIDS is murdering their own people
Jamaican thugs who sneak back to Queens and Miami after they're deported
Jamaican thugs' wives and girlfriends who help them
Folks using the foster care system as a paycheck
Folks who say we need more black folks as foster parents...regardless of whether these candidates are crackheads, molesters, murderers or keep other kids in meat freezers
Crack/heroin dealers
Nihilistic teenage thugs
Nihilistic teenage girls who hook up with and bear children for nihilistic teenage thugs
Geriatric ex-Panthers who rail against Norplant (as the answer to the above)
Anyone who appears on or attends taping of "Maury" or any "Judge so and so" daytime show
Anyone who takes down the 800 number of Buttwood College or Asswipe Online University during commercials while "Maury's" on
Anyone who thinks Army/Marines/Navy commercials are reality and joins up
Anyone who joins the Army/Navy/Marines as employer of last resort...but claims it's for "patriotism"
Anyone who joins the Army/Navy/Marines for boneheaded reasons yet chides cohorts who leave school to build houses in old Ninth ward in NOLA because it's not patriotic
Whiggers
Toby Keith
Mamas who keep sayin' their murdering ass sons/grandsons are "good boys but I can't control 'em"
Mamas who don't get too agitated when their daughters are showing their asses and dropping out of high school--as a means of being attractive to murdering ass suitors (see above)
Ted Nugent
Folks who think Neo Soul and its progeny are bourgie and dead
Folks who listen to regular commercial radio, including canned "R&B and Hip Hop" and "Country" and "Hot Hits"
Folks who don't read
Folks who don't read anything but Triple Crown published "literature" or Carl Weber
Publishers, editors, producers, exhibitors , station managers who dumb down or redneck-up or "simplify" or black-up art, literature, music, films, TV, radio content for white trash or Tyler Perry fans
Bob Johnson
Glenn Beck
Rush Limbaugh's dittoheads (yes lawd)
Old School Race hucksters (black): from Burris (yes Burris!) to GOP tool Blackwell to Jesse, Sr. to poor Bobby Rush
Old School Race hucksters (white): from Newt Gingrich to Trent Lott
Folks who think NASCAR's gotten too "corporate and elite"
Anyone who thought the 8th graders cutting up in the hallways in "Hard Times at Frederick Douglass High" were amusing and normal
Folks who think the NBA is perfect the way it is, and college ball isn't entertaining enough
College hoopsters who turn pro before getting a goddamn degree
High school hoopsters who turn pro before getting a goddamn clue
Anyone who really wants to party with Jay-Z and Beyonce as a couple
Anyone who thinks menacing fools just hanging on the corner are merely "Oliver Twist" urchins, or would be Bill Gates but for racism
Anyone who thinks Joe the Plumber is "the real America"
Anyone who uses the term "real America"
Anyone who thinks white people aren't the ones truly juicing state Medicaid, or Medicare, or any other "entitlement" program
Anyone who accuses liberals of being socialists...yet lives in a state wholly dependent on Uncle Sam for political pork, federal land, military bases, farm subsidies...
Yes, I'd miss these things which spice up our America. Hey, why don't you add yours here______________
The Holidays end. (sigh) But cheers in 09.